Some things in life are unwritten laws or rules unspoken. In baseball you don’t walk in front of a catcher or umpire when getting to the batter’s box. You likely wont hear about something like this until a guy like A-Rod does it, which he did, and now you remember the rule – don’t you? Well, why does it always take someone to break the rules before they are brought to light as a NO-NO? It doesn’t have to go that far.
We put a list together of fashion tips that everyone should read and read again if you fall into any category. If you fall into a category, then thank me later for helping you learn what you didn’t know. So after comprehending this list, pass it to your friends and family and rid them of the embarrassment they bring to themselves without knowing. Let’s not forget the embarrassment you face when you’re going out for the night and your boy shows up in Adidas sandals (not flops), socks, shorts well below his knee, and a shirt big enough that it could fit Rosie O’Donnell.
The NO List – If you see anyone doing this that you know, hit them. If they are bigger than you, just send a text with a fist.
Man-Sandals – Look, over there! It’s a shoe, it’s a flop, its…it’s… a Mandal. Some are strappy, some have velcro, some are a brown leather slip on and the others are those Croc clogs. Thanks a lot Crocs, I had to look at so many people wearing those hideous shoes for 2 years and still have to look at the lingerers. If you want comfort, pick up a pair of Rasta Flops. If you’re that guy, like my dad, who hates flops than pick up a pair of Sanuk Sidewalk Surfers.
Club Gear – You’ll take notice of this next time you go out. Look around for people that are dressed like they are going to a night club when it’s 85 and sunny at the beach bar. What is wrong? Dress shoes, long sleeve button down (rolled up sleeves if they are feelin’ it) socks (ugh, of course), undershirt, hair slicked – likely a blowout, and fancy watch. Listen, you’re at a beach bar relaxing. Do you have to be dressed up NYC winter style to talk to girls? It is an insecurity and girls will see through. Be comfortable in your skin, throw on some jams, a tee, cool beach fedora, shades, and some sandals and you will be winning!
Socks – Unless you are wearing a pair of Vintage Air Jordan’s, it’s a wrap. If you’re like me and you despise not wearing socks with your boat shoes or casual shoes, get a pair of liners. You will see ankle, feel comfortable, and not sweat up your shoes so bad that you need to keep them outside with the dog. Bad analogy, it’s not the 50’s anymore. Bottom line – don’t wear regular socks with shoes in the summer. Especially if you are wearing shorts and showing those chicken legs.
Undershirts – It’s night time and you are going out. Maybe a polo, short sleeve button down, a henley, or a long-sleeve T-Shirt, if you aren’t wearing a cool tee. Whatever you do, don’t throw on a crew neck white undershirt. It will make you look bit like a child. If you insist on doing this, which is okay because some people sweat a lot, it will look much better if you wear a deep vee neck. Finally, if you are insecure about your chest hair – trim that shit up Austin Powers.
Hawaiian Shirts – Okay Tommy Bahama, we know you mean business when you have your “party shirt” on. But, the only business you are in is looking like Tom Selleck and telling the world you are on vacation! Maybe you should leave that one on the shelf this season. It’s a wrap…has been since Elvis stopped rockin’ them.
Hope I didn’t offend anyone too bad and that you got some ideas that will help. Also, I hope that I never have to see any of these ‘un-styles’ again. Yep, I made up that word because none of the above was ever a style.